Big City Bumpkin

aMazing

2012-01-25T19:53:00.000Z

I live in London, surrounded by incredible things going on every night, by theatres and parties and posh restaurants. I like knowing all these things are going on - I like being surrounded by so much energy and variety. The hard part isn't finding something fun or interesting to do, it's a) being able to afford it and b) making the time in amongst daily life. Which is why I was so excited when one of my christmas presents from my lovely parents was to go to Maze, one of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants. I've never been anywhere like it before and it was such a treat. We chose four dishes each, three savoury and one sweet - naturally my boyfriend and I shared everything so I effectively had eight different courses...mmmm. Each course was small, but beautifully presented and there was a really powerful fusion of flavours. Not bad for a Monday night eh?

wasting time

2012-01-21T15:35:00.000Z

Why is it that as soon as you know you really have to do something, you spend all your available time doing anything else instead? It was the same when I was a student, I'd have essays to write and revision to do but instead would suddenly decide it was a great idea to do all my laundry, or alphabetise my bookcase. I'm just joking, I've never alphabetised my bookcase! I arrange by genre although I do have one friend whose bookcase is colour co-ordinated, but then as she says, when do you ever feel like reading a red book? Anyway, I digress. The point is, I have told myself all week that I will sit down and edit my final chapters on Saturday and now that the weekend is here and I am finally sat down, laptop on, I can't seem to just get on with it. I've made myself tea, re-potted a few plants, checked out facebook and am even blogging instead of editing. Unfortunately I don't have enough time to exhaust all other possible forms of distraction before I get down to the actual editing because I'm out for dinner this evening. So I'll have to use every ounce of willpower to just shut up and write now. Which includes blogging too I suppose...

Dancing books

2012-01-18T13:21:00.000Z

I came across this video today and I absolutely love it! Just think how long it must have taken to put together though...

back to work

2012-01-04T21:54:00.001Z

Happy 2012! I have started it with more resolutions than I can count and none of them are helping me get through my first week back at work. Grey mornings and 7am starts are proving really hard after nearly 10, festive days off. Especially with a younger sister who has moved to Australia for a year and keeps uploading photos of sun kissed beaches. However I do have a silver lining to look forward too, namely my two week holiday in India next month. We have visas, doctors appointments for jabs booked and I received a lonelyplanet guide book through the post today. To say I am excited is a massive understatement. I haven't had a two week holiday for a couple of years, or been out of Europe but just flicking through the guidebook is bring back all my travelling memories from years ago. It also reminded me of this podcast interview I did after my gap year and another from my previous visit to India which was a long time ago now sadly. But I am also going to Italy in March for a long weekend with my boyfriend so I really shouldn't complain too much about January should I?

new years eve

2011-12-31T15:27:00.000Z

I just wanted to wish everyone a very happy new year! I just need to sort out my fancy dress costume for this evening and I'm good to go. Bring it on! I've got a good feeling about 2012...

sales

2011-12-30T20:32:00.001Z

I like the idea of sales shopping. Discounts and bargains - what's not to like? But the reality of heaving London streets, packed tubes, queues for changing rooms and the actual experience of rooting through sales racks, fills me with horror. Especially as I've only just recovered from Christmas shopping. I was talking about this with a friend of mine who popped over for a cuppa earlier. She told me she's done all her sales shopping online this year and I'm starting to think it's the way forward. You can pick and choose from the comfort of your own home, browse multiple sites at once and even take a tea break mid shopping spree to consider your options carefully. My only problem with online shopping is that I like to try clothes on, to feel the fabric and see how they hang but this too can be avoided if you know what size you are in a specific store. So to cheer myself up for being home alone on a Friday night, I decided to buy a pair of black ankle boots online in the sale from Kurt Geiger. They will be delivered next week and do you know what?I feel better about sale shopping already.

a running joke

2011-12-21T10:23:00.000Z

There is a running joke at work that I keep getting sick before the best night's out. Maybe it's the over excitement? Maybe I just work extra hard trying to get everything done before said night out? Regardless, it's still very frustrating to be at home feeling ill when all your friends are having fun. Of course this doesn't actually happen very often, but when it does, it kinda sucks! Last weekend my boyfriend very kindly gave me the bug he had, just in time for me to miss a couple of big get togethers with some uni friends that I'd been looking forward to for ages. He is now back to work and fit as a fiddle but for some reason I'm struggling to shake it off. So instead of moping about missing my parties, I'm now just keeping my fingers crossed I'll be better for Christmas.

tis the season to go shopping

2011-12-02T18:14:00.000Z

Like lots of people, I always get to December with one or two odd holiday days to use up. Instead of letting them go to waste, this year I've opted for a couple of long weekends to ease myself into the holiday spirit. It seemed like a great idea to go to Oxford street bright and early this morning. 'There's so many shops there, I can do all my Christmas shopping in one go' I thought to myself. Well yes, there are lots of shops there but even at 10am on a Friday morning there were also a lot of people. Other than more sale signs than you'd normally expect to see before the 25th, it didn't look much like we're heading into another recession let me tell you. By 2pm it was heaving, my arms were aching from my shopping bags and I desperately needed to sit down and have a cup of tea. (That was when I cracked and got the tube home.) Where did all the people come from though? Why were so many of them not working and here's my final question, how do I get that lifestyle?

the morning after the night before

2011-11-26T11:52:00.000Z

It always seems like a good idea at the time doesn't it? But we do it anyway, even when we know we shouldn't, even when we know we'll regret it the next morning. I'm not a big drinker by any stretch of the imagination (which is probably why my head is pounding quite so hard this morning) but when you're with friends, and the conversation, and wine, is flowing, it's not always quite so easy to keep track of how many glasses you've had. I often think it can be quite anti-social not to drink when everyone else is, not that anyone ever bullies me into it, at least they haven't since I was 16. So yes, I have a cracking hangover but I am going to blame being well mannered - as I was hosting and it would have been rude to leave my friend drinking wine alone. How very English of me to get drunk out of politeness. Not buying it? No, neither am I. I am old enough by now to know better, time to remember that next time a bottle is opened...

buying British

2011-11-14T21:29:00.000Z

As you can probably tell from my post a few days ago, my online Christmas shopping is now in full swing. Maybe it's because I'm getting older and my student days are long behind me, but I'm definitely starting to become a lot more conscious of where my money goes. It stands to reason that if I want to live in a community with local shops, I should support them. Of course it's not always easy when times are tight and the cost of pretty much everything has gone up. After all, big shops can always offer bigger discounts but I can't think of much worse than a future where every single British high street looks exactly the same, can you? Which brings me nicely to the second thing I've become more aware of recently, which is paying attention to where the things I buy actually come from. Everything from food to jewellery to gadgets seems to come from abroad these days. I am by no means xenophobic, but I do think one way to support the UK economy would be to actively buy and promote British products. After all, other countries have been doing the very same thing unapologetically for years. So here are my most recent British recommendations for both ends of the price scale, one is the amazing UK chocolate brand Montezuma's and the other is Daisy Knight's handmade, ethically sourced jewellery. Happy shopping!

other side of the world

2011-11-13T15:59:00.000Z

She made the decision and booked the flights months ago but it's only recently that my little sister left for Australia. She has a vague plan to spend Christmas in Perth with our distant family and depending on her luck finding a job, will either stay there or move back to the East Coast. Thanks to the wonders of skype, mobile phones and the internet, we're still in touch fairly regularly and it sounds like she's having an amazing time already. It is a little odd though, having conversations late at night here, all wrapped up snug in a big jumper whilst she is sat eating her breakfast in a sunlit room. It's things like that which remind me she really is on the other side of the world where the stars look different and the water goes down the drain the wrong way. I have no doubt that my sister will have an incredible experience, no matter how long she decides to stay, but that won't stop me missing her a lot in the meantime.

christmas shopping

2011-11-07T20:34:00.001Z

It's only just November and already I'm beginning to think I should have started my Christmas Shopping earlier! I've written a list and am slowly starting to work out what I'm getting for who but that's always the bit that takes the most time... I've been looking online a lot more this year, partly for inspiration and partly because I can't face how hectic the shops near me become at Christmas. I only work 15 minutes away from Oxford Street which is already looking really festive but far too busy for my liking. Of course the other bonus of online shopping is that your goods get delivered direct to your door or in my case when I order things to work, to my desk! Any recommendations for good present buying websites would be great!

home sweet home

2011-11-01T22:34:00.000Z

Moving house is always stressful but in our case it wasn't helped by being given the wrong keys and literally having to break into the flat (with the help of a locksmith) and then discovering we had a gas leak which meant we had no gas at all for a week (our agent told us not to worry, apparently it's normal for metres to smell like gas...!) But the good news is the flat has been re-painted, the lock fixed and it's feels like home. Now the winter nights are drawing in I'm looking forward to the prospect of curling up on my own sofa in front of my own TV, well half mine at least as I was reminded when I came home and the football was on. Again.

all the fun of the fair

2011-10-17T16:02:00.002+01:00

I've not long got back from Frankfurt Book Fair and am just starting to recover. Not so much from the long meetings and social events as the nasty cold/flu bug that struck me down on the first day. Thankfully all the lemsips and honey and lemon drinks I've been sipping have kicked in and my voice is now pretty much back to normal. That's what too much talking about books does for you! Frankfurt Book Fair is a huge, International Publishing trade fair and you can click here if for any reason you want to know more about it.

It was a good Fair though, pretty optimistic in spite of all the recession doom and gloom. Whilst Publishers generally spent less time at the fair, they made it count more by being more decisive and knew what they did and didn't want. Interestingly enough, I think the current climate has actually increased innovation, in the form of both new start up companies and existing Publishers expanding digitally. That said, a lot more Editors told me they preferred to receive actual copies of our books than PDF's as they are easier to read and review so I'm not sure putting all your eggs in a digital basket is the way forward just yet...

the perfect present

2011-10-06T21:59:00.000+01:00

My boyfriend is VERY good at present buying. He's extremely thoughtful and will often surprise me by remembering things I've mentioned in passing months ago. Which is amazing and I'm really not complaining in any way, but it does make it a tough act to follow. His birthday is after mine and I only have a week or so to sort out what I'm doing. I have a few ideas, but am not quite sure which direction to go in. What I'd really like to do is ask him, but that spoils all the fun. I normally pride myself on thoughtful gifts too but find it's must harder to buy presents for men, (my Dad is the same). Basically because if men want something, they will buy it for themselves...

The Night Circus

2011-09-29T16:03:00.000+01:00

I love stories and read a lot. Everything from classics, to poetry, to trashy chit lit, children's books and thrillers. There are a lot of good books and writers out there, but very few that you genuinely can't put down. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern is one of those books. It's Erin's first but has already caused an international stir with film rights sold before the book even published earlier this month. It's an epic love story, a magical, grown up fairytale that feels utterly believable and if you're like me, will have you staying up late into the early hours to reach the final few pages.

autumn in Helsinki

2011-09-14T18:55:00.000+01:00

In case anyone was wondering, it's definitely autumn in Helsinki. The very friendly locals are blaming the grey, rainy weather on an American hurricane, but that isn't what's making the leaves turn golden.

I like the autumn, I like the crisp cool days that make you want to wear snuggly jumpers and wrap yourself up in a chunky scarf. However I could do without anymore wind and driving rain tomorrow thank you very much, especially as I'm currently traipsing all over the city with a very heavy bag as I go between meetings. Helsinki is surprisingly hilly but I've never been one to mind an incline or two. I am however struggling with the dual language street signs. Neither my Finnish or my Swedish is particularly good, but the fact that there are two very long names on every road is making it twice as hard to navigate and I didn't have a very good sense of direction to begin with!

Helsinki feels very quiet after the franticness of London, but it only has a population of half a million compared to London's 7 or 8. I'm trying not to let myself get too relaxed by the pace of life here in Finland though as I'm moving house this weekend and still have a lot to do. Especially as I haven't really packed yet...

boxes

2011-09-07T20:40:00.000+01:00

I am slowly packing my life into boxes. I can't work out if it's frightening how many boxes there are piling up in my bedroom, or how scary it is how few my entire life fits into! I've been pretty good this year throwing stuff out, but at heart, I am a hoarder. I hate getting rid of things because you never really know when it could come in handy. What if I suddenly need something the moment I've taken it to a charity shop? I know I could always replace whatever it is, but that's just not really the point. Using something I'd forgotten you had, or even better saved just in case it might one day come in handy, leaves me feeling as smug as if I just bought a bargain. However, despite my hoarding tendencies, I am realistic and the thought of carrying said boxes down two flights of stairs and then back up another three, is making me chuck a lot more than I normally would! But that's what you get for living in flats I suppose... Bring on our super strong man with a van and (hopefully) several of my boyfriends friends to help us out!

happy birthday to me

2011-09-04T18:35:00.001+01:00

It's my birthday tomorrow and I celebrated last night with friends, cupcakes and a few glasses of vino. They are funny things really, landmarks in life that you mark yourself by but at the same time, nothing really happens. You don't feel any different, you don't look any different. Not that I'm complaining at all, it's a great excuse to gather all my friends together, then of course there's the cake and presents and I'd never be so rude as to turn them down...

book worm

2011-08-29T15:22:00.000+01:00

I am a sucker for stories. Personal stories, historical stories, funny stories. I guess it's why I've always loved reading and why I now work in Children's Publishing. I remember the thrill of my Mum and Dad reading me bed time stories as a child, and how grown up I felt when I could read them all by myself, even if it meant hiding under my covers with a torch cause it was well past my bedtime.

I love the power of words, how they draw you in, entertain and sometimes surprise you. I love how a good author can create people so real you could recognise them if you walked past them in the street. But what happens when someone changes the format of a story that you've only ever held in your hands? What happens when they transform it to the big screen, or to audio, or change the book cover? I loved One Day and can't wait to see it in the cinema, but I am under no illusions that it's going to be the same story as the one I originally read. Books and films are different kettles of fish and as such, entirely pointless to compare to each other. I am sure the film will be a different, albeit similar, story to the book.

By it's very nature, reading tends to be a private thing that we share by recommending books and discussing plots. I'm glad stories do get shared in this way because I'm always amazed by how differently two people can interpret exactly the same words. By how the same lines of text can conjure up different images, different emotions. I stumbled on a blog called Book Swept a while ago and keep coming back to it again and again. I love the carefully selected images, the snap shot of how someone else sees a line of text. It never fails to remind me how powerful stories can be when mixed with a little bit of imagination.

Herman

2011-08-26T14:02:00.001+01:00

It's been doing the rounds at work for a month or so now. Whispers, promises, furtive trades - not in gossip or illicit substances you understand. Oh no. I'm talking about something much more serious, I'm talking about Herman. Herman came into my possession this morning but I've been after him for weeks. He is a browny/yellow and smells pungent to say the least. But that's all quite understandable really because Herman is a sourdough starter.

I don't know who named him that but it was in bold at the top of the set of instructions I received. All I have to do now is follows said instructions on when he'll need feeding, when he'll need stirring and perhaps more importantly, when he'll be ready to divide. If all goes well, in approximately 10 days time, the baking will begin. Hopefully I'll make a German apple cake with one quarter of the increased Herman as the instructions suggest, will pass two quarters on to colleagues and will save the final one for myself. I'll feed it again for another 10 days and then may attempt some new recipes, bread perhaps? I almost feel sorry for my boyfriend, we're moving in together the weekend after next and he has no idea I'll be bringing stinky Herman with me... I bet he won't complain about the baked goodies he provides though.

to decorate or not to decorate

2011-08-21T11:12:00.000+01:00

I never thought it would happen to me. I never thought I'd become the type of person who willingly browsed through the home sections of department stores. The type of person who sees a kitchen item, like these recycled glasses, and makes a mental note to purchase them at a later date (when I actually have my own kitchen). I say 'my' own kitchen because although it will also be shared with my boyfriend, we both know that really, it will be my domain, except when the washing up needs to be done of course.

Whilst I am not looking forward to the packing up and actual moving of all my stuff, I cannot wait to live with just one other person. Both the flat I live in now and my housemates are lovely, but I've been in shared accommodation for 7 years and am pretty much over it. My boyfriend is a Designer and seems to have the misguided impression that this means he will be in charge of the decor. A friend of mine suggested I barter Sky Sports for things I want, like an excess of cushions and expensive set of kitchen knives. But forgiveness has always been easier to gain than permission so I think I'll just smuggle in the things I want and either claim I've always had them in a box somewhere, or just hope he's too distracted by Sky Sports to notice!

fingers crossed

2011-08-17T21:00:00.000+01:00

After spending weeks trawling search engines and gumtree, calling agents every other day and rushing back after work to view tiny flats in a matter of 5 minutes, I think we've found a place to live! It's exactly the location we were looking for, the move in dates work, it's the right price and more importantly, it's the only place we've seen that both of us walked out of and said we can actually see ourselves living in. The landlord's accepted our offer and now I'm just waiting for the estate agent to actually take the holding deposit out of our account and email us confirming everything (although he's confirmed it's all ok on the phone twice already). I'm trying not to get toooo excited about it before we have something in writing, although I'm not managing it that well! I keep thinking about all the lovely things we can get to decorate and then I panic when I remember how much stuff I already have. I think it's time to have a clear out this weekend, only so I can justify hitting the shops you understand. After all, surely living with a boy for the first time means I'm going to get 90% of the wardrobe space right?

keep calm and carry on

2011-08-14T14:42:00.000+01:00

I've been wanting to blog about the rioting in London for a few days now but have held off. Partly to gather my thoughts and gain some perspective and partly because a lot of what I've been thinking has already been said before. The papers have been full of articles about the lootings, the trials and the political ramifications but perhaps more importantly about the individuals and communities who've been affected.

I was so shocked last Monday night when the riots in Tottenham spread, seemingly without rhyme or reason, throughout London. But it was when the BBC's website reported that stores in Clapham Junction were being looted that it really hit home. I used to live two minutes round the corner from the Northcote Road and loads of my friends are still based around there. I could hardly believe that their comments on facebook; about fires, gangs and men in balaclavas were about the place I lived, and felt totally safe, for two years.

Then the shock and incredulity turned to anger. How dare these people act this way? It doesn't take a genius to realise it wasn't about politics or policies, about class or race. It was about greed and opportunism. They could, so they did, without a second thought for the consequences or the ramifications for the lives they were impacting upon. It's that simple. Yes it is worrying that there's a segment of our society who feel so disenfranchised from it that they behaved this way and this disparity does need addressing. Yes those involved should be published promptly as a message that such behaviour won't be tolerated. But do I believe jail terms and police records will solve either of these things? No, not for a second. At the risk of sounding like my Grandma, what we really need to do is find a way to instil some values in those involved, to ensure they have a sense of pride in themselves and their communities so that they will strive to do better, not the burn and steal. I know it's impractical and unlikely to happen, but I wish the punishment of anyone involved could be to go and fix the damage they caused, to work alongside the people whose lives they've changed. That way they could learn first hand why what they've done is selfish and utterly wrong.

The flip side of the riots is that communities have banded together, working side by side to tidy up their streets and people are consciously supporting local shops. For all those parents who didn't question where their kids were last week, there are those that turned their children in when they saw photos in the news. Then there's the increased police presence, I've never seen so many police in London. It's not that they're all in one place, but each town seems to have a couple and I've even seen some on the tube. I like it actually, it makes me feel safe. Despite the fact that they face cuts and are overstretched and under resourced, I think the police have done a great job this last week.

There is never a good time for riots to happen and just a year before the Olympics is particularly bad. But the the British are famed for our 'keep clam and carry on' blitz war spirit. Like most of my friends, I'll be dammed if I let a tiny minority of London's population make me feel anything other than proud to call London home.

home sweet home

2011-08-07T13:38:00.000+01:00

I got back last night from a very relaxing week in North Wales. I may not have got much of a tan but I did manage to read 3 books, catch up on lots of sleep, go for long coastal walks, try archery, visit a sea zoo, go clay pigeon shooting (first time I'd ever fired a shotgun) and go out onto the sea for a bit of fishing where I'm pleased to report, I caught a mackerel.

I ended up coming back to London with a bit of a bump. Getting in last night I discovered our landlord's handyman (think Manuel from Faulty Towers) had fitted a dishwasher in our absence. Which is somewhat annoying given that we've only just 6 weeks left here. But what was even more annoying is that they managed to break 2 cupboards in the process which haven't yet been fixed. So my kitchen was covered in piles of plates, cups, and bowls. Nice. Added to which my housemate who has gone away for the weekend had left her washing up from the day before and hadn't taken any rubbish out in what appears to be a few days. It took me an hour to sort out and wasn't the best thing to come home too...

On the bright side, I did also come back to an email letting me know that another one of my short stories 'Naked' has been published online in Issue 37 of Blank Pages. Anyway back to work tomorrow and back to flat hunting. We've got 4 places lined up to go and see so it promsies to be a busy evening. Fingers crossed we find the perfect flat!

holidays

2011-07-29T17:24:00.000+01:00

I am off on holiday for a week and can't wait! In the meantime, check out my final post for mslexia, it's all about digital advances and what it means for the future of publishing...

Gobble

2011-07-25T13:54:00.000+01:00

One of my very short poems has just been published on the Pygmy Giant and it's made my Monday. Check it out here!

house hunting

2011-07-24T13:20:00.000+01:00

House hunting is always a bit of a gamble. Will you find the the property you want in the area you want for a price you can afford? And if you do, will it be free to move into when you need to move? Then there are other complications to factor in, forking out for a new deposit before you get your current deposit back, hoping the new landlord/agency are reasonable. But before all of that comes the part where you start looking for flats and scouring right move, gumtree and agency websites. It's become obvious that it's essential to read between their descriptions; 'spacious' can simply mean, 'bigger than a shoe box' and 'extremely central location' can translate into 'noisy, busy main road'. Then there are the photos taken with a fish eye lense to make the rooms seem bigger which surely is the equivalent of telling outright lies? You can get a good feel for a property by walking around it, but it's hard to tell what it's actually going to be like to live in it. Is the shower any good, will it be freezing cold in winter?

We're looking for a furnished or at least part furnished flat as I currently only own a beanbag and a broken sent of shelves... We've only looked at three flats so far as we don't need to move until early September, but they've all been very different. There's always such a variety of properties available for your money - it's started to bring out my competitive side. It turns out I also get extremely over excited about flat hunting and my boyfriend keeps having to try and reign me in!

ghost train

2011-07-22T08:22:00.000+01:00

It's been a manic week catching up on sleep after Latitude and making trips to the laundrette as our washing machine has now given up the ghost. Speaking of ghosts, (it'll make sense if you click on the link), I've had another piece of flash fiction published on the pygmy giant, check it out here!

festival packing

2011-07-13T08:51:00.000+01:00

You know when you get tickets for something that's months away, a part of you never really believes it'll happen somehow, then suddenly time seems to fly and you only have a few days left to go. That's how I feel about Latitude, I'm heading there this Friday and can't wait but it has crept up on me slightly. So I'm now in full festival packing mode; tent, sleeping bag, suncream (I'm an optimist), wellies (I'm also a realist), wet wipes, dry shampoo... The only thing left to do now is decant a few drinks into plastic bottles (no glass on site) and buy some apples and cereal bars. My boyfriend laughed when I said I'm taking fruit but I'll bet he eat mine anyway. With just 2 days left at work before my long weekend I think I'll need to resist the urge to check the weather forecast on an hourly basis, just on the off chance the forecasts improved you see...

On a separate note, my penultimate guest blog post for mslexia is now up all about spotting the next big thing in children's books.

hair cuts

2011-07-07T08:33:00.000+01:00

After 4 years of living in London I still haven't found a hairdresser to go to on a regular basis. This is partly because I've moved from South to North and partly because I've never been that impressed with the ones I have tried. It's not that I have unreasonably high expectations, I'm not much of a diva at all when it come to my hair, partly because I'm always too lazy to style it very much. I've had great cuts, bad cuts and ok cuts, but they don't always match the ambiance of the salon or the attitude of the hairdresser or the price. Recently I've tried out a few salons in central London, mostly using offers from wahanda and groupon which is great but does tend to mean I can never afford to return there for a subsequent hair cuts.

My sister is one of those people who changes her hair fairly regularly (at least more often than me). In the last couple of years she's had it short, long, blonde and brunette and it always really suits her. I've had long hair for about 6 years now and decided it was about high time I too did something exciting with it. I booked an appointment, decided I wanted short hair that hung just above my shoulders. Then I bottled it, opting instead to have 2 inches off the bottom instead of the normal one. And then I panicked that it was too short, didn't suit me at all and made me look like a boy.

My housemate didn't even clock that I'd had it cut.

The salon itself was fine by the way, but I'll probably still try somewhere new next time, after all it seems I'm still in search of the perfect cut.

Between Shades of Gray

2011-06-28T22:48:00.000+01:00

I always rate book recommendations from my friends fairly highly when it comes to choosing what to read next. Which is just as well because otherwise there is a strong chance I wouldn't have picked Between Shades of Gray and I am so, so glad I did. Set in 1941, it follows the story of a 15 year old Lithuanian girl called Lina who is sent to Siberia, not a cheery start you might think and you'd be right. But it isn't that type of book, instead Between Shades of Gray is a powerful, heartwarming, horrifying tale. With well crafted narrative that pulls you effortlessly through the pages, I still can't stop thinking about it even months after I read the final page. It is the kind of book that reminds you all over again how little you know about the rest of the world and makes you think of all the untold, personal stories you'll simply never hear about. So if you happen to be in between books right now and fancy reading a new YA title, I too can highly recommend Between Shades of Gray, I promise you won't regret it.

Kings of Leon

2011-06-25T15:22:00.000+01:00

Is it me or is 2011 flying by? I can't believe it's June, nearly July, I can't believe it's time for Glastonbury again and I can't believe I've still never been. My sister went last year and kept texting me photos of her and her friends having an amazing time in the sun, kind isn't she? Something tells me there might be a little more mud this year... I did see Kings of Leon at Hyde Park this week though and they were AMAZING! They are one of my favourite bands and it's the first time I've ever seen them live - they didn't disappoint. Their music was fantastic, the atmosphere of 50,000 people was electric and the sun even shined. The only minor downside was the people who kept throwing cups of beer, (at least I hope it was beer), over everyone's head so it spilled out into the crowd. I never get why people do that at gigs, it's so gross.

Seeing Kings of Leon was definitely the highlight of my week but it's been pretty non-stop since. We've been short staffed at work due to holidays and illness, I've hosted a craft night with my friends, played netball (we lost), went swimming in a nearby Lido which turned out not to be quite as heated as it promised and went for dinner at a friend's house in Clapham. I've also written another guest post for mslexia about work trips and had a flash fiction story published on the pygmy giant.

knitting geek

2011-06-13T21:36:00.000+01:00

Is is a bit weird that I have recently started making my christmas presents? Possibly, it is June after all. But since I've discovered knitting (scarves and ipod socks, nothing fancy), I am determined to knit at least some of my presents. Yup, you guessed it, lots of scarves and ipod socks for my friends and family, lucky them. There's just something really satisfying about making something with your hands, especially after a long day staring at a screen. I tend to knit in front of the TV - even if I haven't mastered the art of knitting and actually watching the TV at the same time. I even caught myself flicking through knitting books in a shop the other day, Purls of Wisdom, Knitty Gritty, who knew there were so many knitting based puns? Who knew I'd be so rock n roll in my twenties?

whatever the weather

2011-06-11T11:03:00.000+01:00

What is up with the weather at the moment? One minute it's sunny, the next the sky has turned grey, rain is hurtling down like it's going out of fashion and there are rumbles of thunder. It's more like April showers than a summery mid June.

On a day to day basis I work closely with Publishers from around the world and often find myself adding in a throwaway sentence about the weather in my emails, 'best wishes from a cold London', that type of thing. However there are two things to be aware of when discussing the weather with foreigners, the first is that it reinforces the British stereotype as much as drinking too many cups of tea. The second is that no matter how apocalyptic the weather seems to be in England, it is always more extreme elsewhere. During the course of said emails I have learnt that a Norwegian winter is about 20-30 degrees colder than an English winter, likewise, in northern Scandinavia at the moment the sun literally never sets. Now there isn't quite enough sun around at the moment for my liking but I can't help feeling that a perpetual midnight sun might be just a bit too much. But maybe that's precisely the problem - the British don't have a reputation for discussing the weather just because we like to make small talk, it's that we're never quite satisfied with the weather we've got. Not that discussing it it depth will change that of course, but it is nice to know you're not the only one feeling that way isn't it?

story of the week

2011-06-04T15:09:00.000+01:00

I've just spotted that a piece of flash fiction I have submitted to the London based website, city of shared stories, is currently their story of the week! It's called Pop Eye and was about a man who caught my eye during my commute one morning. I've been quite enjoying writing flash fiction recently, there's a lot of freedom and fun to be had in writing very, very short pieces. Check out Pygmy Giant for some good examples.

day to day

2011-06-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

I remember when I was in my last year of university and starting to think (panic) seriously about what exactly I was going to do when I finished. The hardest part was was not researching prospective careers or even applying for jobs themselves, it was trying to figure out what exactly the jobs entailed on a daily basis. Job hunting is much like flat hunting in many ways - you often have to read into the descriptions so in the same way that 'cozy' means 'small', 'good organisation skills' means your workload will be huge. That's partly why work experience is so important, it's the only way to really know what a role involves on a day to day basis. I've been guest blogging for the last month on the mslexia blog about precisely that, what it is that I do all day every day. Writing about it in a way that will make sense to someone who knows nothing about Publishing has been quite interesting. I've tried to balance the more technical stuff with the things I've found most memorable, like learning that they don't have jelly in Denmark, who knew!

first draft

2011-05-31T12:41:00.000+01:00

It's official. At approximately 10am this morning I finished my first draft of my YA title. All 52,000 words of it. Woohoo! I don't think I've ever written that many words in one go and certainly not with the intention that they all make sense one after the other. To be honest I'm not entirely sure that they do now but that isn't the point this morning. The point is I have finished, exactly one month behind schedule but still. (I like giving myself schedules almost as much as I like writing lists.)

I'm going to take a break from my manuscript during June, work on my neglected short stories, enter competitions, drink wine with my friends, actually spend time in the sunshine at weekends instead of hiding away at my laptop (if there is any sunshine). Then I'll spend the rest of the summer editing my little heart out and hoping those 52,000 words do hang together after all...

one by one

2011-05-25T08:36:00.000+01:00

I am addicted to writing lists. There, I said it. Sometimes I even wake up in the night and have to scribble something on a scrap of paper before I can go back to sleep. It's not just the satisfaction I get from crossing something off, although on occasion I have written things like 'write list' just so I could cross it off, bliss! It's that without my lists, I'm not sure I'd ever manage to get anything done.

It's especially hard in the office, I'll be working on something when an urgent email will pop up, or the phone will ring and I'll end up starting something else so that by the end of the day I'll have ten half finished tasks (and nothing crossed off my list). It's just as bad at home too, I'll sit down to write a chapter and then have a bright idea for a short story half way through, or maybe realise that my plants need watering or I can't go on without a cup of tea. Actually maybe that's more about procrastination and the grass always being slightly greener than anything else... So recently I have been attempting to make my lists more realistic in length to begin with and then trying to just do one thing at a time until it's complete and I can move onto something else. It's a revolutionary concept non?

Ps. Sorry for the infrequent blogging recently, most of my spare time is going on writing at the moment but I am now 6 chapters away from the end of my first draft! Woohoo!

travel

2011-05-11T20:29:00.000+01:00

Walking back to my hotel on my first night in Oslo this evening, reminded me how much I love to travel. Thanks to my full time job, it's been a while since I took off for more than a few weeks holiday, but even a few days away in the UK or Europe can make a massive difference. And the travel itself doesn't have to take hours, after all it took less time for Welsh boy and I to get to Paris a couple of weeks ago, than it would have taken me to get back to my parent's place from London!

I'd never been to Norway before today and I love exploring somewhere new, I love the sights and sounds as you walk around the streets, I love trying to decipher the menu and tasting new dishes. There's something fascinating about seeing how other people live their lives and the many and varied ways in which they choose to do so. There's a real freedom in that, as much as the freedom I get from just being somewhere different. I remember when I was on holiday in Barcelona with a friend a few years ago not long after Uni and we both loved it there, loved the city, the nightlife, the sunshine and there was a moment after a sangria or two I'm sure, where we were joking about just not going home, when it occurred to me that I could actually do just that. Sure there would be the small matter of learning Spanish and finding a job to contend with, but it's all do-able and that's really the point about travel. It makes you feel like anything's possible.

I'm away for business over the next few days which makes me feel like I should be wearing a suit (I'm not) and that I've suddenly grown up (I haven't). Although I have discovered that asking for a table for one is quite a depressing experience and if I'm honest, it's quite boring eating dinner in a restaurant by yourself, no matter how great the view (right by the harbour) or the dish (red mullet).

On the plane this morning I was trying to work out how many countries I've visited and was surprised to realise I'm now up to twenty. However my hit list of places I'm yet to visit easily doubles that so at least I've got something to aim for. Travel is a real privilege and I've been reminded today just how lucky I am to get paid to do so. I don't fly home until Friday evening and am already looking forward to spending time with Welsh boy and one of my best friends. After all, that's the best thing about travel, no matter how great your time away, it always makes you appreciate being home that little bit more when you return.

Royal Wedding Fever

2011-05-08T15:51:00.000+01:00

I really didn't expect it to happen to me but I couldn't help it. I watched every minute of the Royal Wedding and shamelessly loved it! That dress, that kiss, her sister's dress - so beautiful. What I enjoyed most of all though wasn't how nice it was to have good news reported in the media for a change, or the day off work, it was how in love the couple seemed. They genuinely seem happy and even though a teeny tiny part of me wanted to know all the gory details, who said what in the speeches, what happened at the party later on, most of me respects that they managed to keep a part of the day private and just for themselves, out of the media spotlight. If they can do that when the whole world's watching, it seems like a good omen for their future and the future of the Royal Family.

train friends

2011-04-21T14:02:00.000+01:00

I went camping in South Wales last weekend for a friend's birthday. It was beautiful weather, great company, we stayed right by the beach and had BBQ's every night. What more could I have asked for? Well a smooth train ride home would have been nice. My 3 hour train journey turned into a 7 hours all because vandals nicked the signalling wire. To make matters worse, it's the second time in 6 months this has happened to me although thankfully at least I wasn't desperately trying to get home for a funeral on this occasion. On the bright side though, I did make some nice train friends. We played cards, chatted, shared Starburst and jaffa cakes and it was a lot more companionable than most solo train journeys. It's just a shame that it takes a massive delay to start talking to other passengers.

literary sorbet

2011-04-14T13:22:00.000+01:00

I've always loved reading a wide range of books, everything from classics to crime and from short stories to children's books. Actually, I especially love children's books which does prove helpful in my line of work. Although there have been moments in the past when I've been reading a brightly coloured book about monsters or fairies on the tube and only to look up and realise other commuters with their ipads and smart phones are staring slightly, as if to wonder why a grown woman seems to have a the reading ability of an 8 year old.

Now and again though, particularly if I've had to read a lot of manuscripts in a very short space of time, it's nice to read something completely different to cleanse the pallet so to speak. A friend of mine and I recently dubbed these books 'literary sorbet'. She favours True Blood whereas I found myself drawn to teen chick lit. The voice in Along for the Ride by Sarah Dessen is so captivating I couldn't put it down and found myself effortlessly drawn into the narrative and when I'd finished, left with a nicely cleansed pallet.

tuition fees

2011-04-10T11:03:00.000+01:00

I received an email this week from the University of Nottingham where I did my degree. It informed me that after much deliberation, they have decided tuition fees will increase to the maximum £9000 per annum. £9000! I was outraged. Sure it's a good university and it's not like I could fail to have noticed the plans to increase fees or the lack of funding that's caused the hike but it only really hit home when I received that email. Suddenly I realised that it would have cost me just shy of £40,000 to do an arts degree for three years, where I had 6 hours contact time a week. As it is I'm likely to be paying of my measly debt of £12,000 for the foreseeable future. I loved going to university, I loved learning in an incredible institution and challenging my way of thinking, I had an amazing time and it does look good on my CV, but I'm not sure I would have gone if the cost had been that high. Who wants to start their adult life shackled to a debt larger than it's possible to pay off if you choose a career in the arts? Surely better just to learn on the job and work your way up, which is massively unfair for the next generation who come after me. No doubt the poorest students will receive help and there's no shortage of richer students for whom the fees are actually still much cheaper than their private school costs, but what about the squeezed middle class? What about people like me who have benefited from a university education but will no longer be able to afford to go?

word count

2011-04-04T20:06:00.000+01:00

I'm becoming a bit obsessed with it on the book I'm currently writing. It's not what I've written, or how much, at the moment it's all about how many words. (30,000 if you were wondering, I like to round up.) There's just something so satisfying about seeing the word count slowly getting bigger, even if I am only half way though, even if I know all 30,000 words will need to be edited. Maybe it's because I'm only really writing in my evenings and a spare hour here and there so it's a way of nibbling away at the idea in my head in bite sized chunks. Or maybe it just reminds me of my student days when a word count was everything, when it would be the thing you talked about with your housemates, when it would set off internal debates about squeezing in a few extra words with some clever punctuation. The truth of it is I never had a problem hitting the word count, my challenge was always sticking to it. I tend to write 'long' and then have to tirelessly edit which is how I know I've still got another 30,000 words or so in me yet. If I can find some time to type them out of course.

knitting

2011-03-15T21:42:00.000Z

I'm meeting with my craft group tomorrow night. Yes, you read that right, craft group. I already read so many books I didn't want to join a book group but wanted to do something a bit different, something that could inspire me on a Wednesday night. I like my office desk job, I do but nothing quite beats the satisfaction of doing something or making something with your own fair hands and then seeing it right in front of you at the end of it all. It's probably why I like cooking so much, apart from the eating part of course. So I spoke to a few like minded friends and what started as a handful of people six months ago has now become ten. We meet once a month at someone's house, have a glass of wine and cheese and biscuits and then everyone gets on with their craft based projects or helps each other if anyone's stuck.

I'm half the way through a patchwork quilt (I just need to buy the wadding and put it all together actually) and am now making a very basic knitted scarf for Welsh Boy. Not that he'll need it by the time I finish it, but he'll have to say he loves it anyway which will be a guaranteed ego boost for me! Some girls sew, some knit, some quilt and one embroiders but what's really nice is it's a complete mix of friends or friends of friends who all have more in common than they might have thought. One girl's doing a PHD in genetics, another works for a Publisher, a third is a Physiotherapist and yet we all come away feeling better than we did when we got there. Yes sometimes I feel like a WI member but even when I'm tired and the week is dragging, I look forward to a stitch n bitch session and the chance to knit just a few more rows.

Olympic anticipation

2011-03-13T17:08:00.000Z

There's been media coverage building for the last few years about the 2012 Olympics, but registering for a chance to get tickets has suddenly made it feel a lot more real and like it's happening to the city I live in. I went to Athens a week or so before they hosted the games and the atmosphere was incredible, full of anticipation and excitement. Despite the (awful) logo and escalating financial costs I still think the Olympics will be great for London and the UK. Much like the Royal Wedding next month, I think these events are both undeniably good things. They'll put the UK at the centre of the world stage, give the media something positive to cover and hopefully make all British citizens feel proud of where they come from. Both are part of a long tradition and heritage which it's about time we celebrated. That is of course if they manage to finish all the building work for the Olympics on time...

Why do bad things happen to good people?

2011-02-19T12:07:00.000Z

Why is it that bad things seem to happen to good people? I opened my mouth at work the other day and one of the girls asked me if I was going to tell 'another sad story'. I was, not because I'm a fan of them and particularly like being a bringer of doom and gloom, but because a lot of sad things have happened to really nice people I know recently. Not that it's ok for bad things to happen to bad people, but it always feels more shocking and unfair when it's somehow completely undeserved.

There's been a real spate of illness and accidents recently; a family friend killed in a car accident (caused by a traffic light sequencing error), two friend's Mum's have been diagnosed with cancer, another 's Dad had a heart attack last week and there was my ex-colleague whose 31 year old friend suddenly died of the cancer she'd been fighting. It's made me think about how short and sweet life can be and how unexpected the ending.

I've been concerned and sad for my friends but can't help questioning what the purpose of the daily grind is, especially when it can all end so abruptly? I don't mean to sound melodramatic, I'm not going to start exploring the meaning of life, it's just this week when I've been crammed into the tube or ploughing through admin at work, I can't help wondering if life's a bit too short for such things?

squirrels

2011-02-13T15:53:00.000Z

Yesterday I was woken up at 7am to the sound of squirrels mating. I kid you not. A few years ago I had a bad mouse problem thanks to a building site next door and now grey squirrels in the attic. That's rented accommodation in London for you I suppose.

I heard a noise in my ceiling a few months ago and hoped my upstairs neighbours had a cat. No such luck, turns out there's only an empty attic above my bedroom. Then when I heard the noise again, I started to worry it might be rats - I still shudder at the thought. It's worth mentioning that I did speak to my landlord in the meantime about it, I wasn't just hoping the noise would go away, (well actually a tiny part of me was, but I'm not stupid.)

Meanwhile my housemates haven't ever heard the scuttling noise and were starting to look at me like I was crazy every time I mentioned it - it sounds like harmless kittens chasing each other and running round. I was starting to wonder if I had actually imagined it, when it came back with a vengeance yesterday morning at the crack of dawn. Eventually Welsh Boy got fed up of googling household pest infestations in bed (did you know rats can make weird sex noises) and decided to climb up into our loft (via a chair and my shoulders) to figure out what was going on. My hero. Thanks to Welsh Boy, a digital camera and the power of google I have now learnt the following:

1. I have three squirrel nests in the attic above my bedroom.
2. Squirrels nests are called dreys, they are about the size of a football and generally made in corners.
3. Squirrels mate twice a year - the first time in mid January-late February. Whoopty do.
4. There are two holes in the brick of my attic ceiling straight out into the big wide world. No wonder I get so cold in bed.
5. Squirrels are carriers of lice and fleas. Lovely.
6. Squirrels have been known to cause severe structural damage and chew through beams, electric cables and ceilings.
7. If you get ride of the nests and block up the holes, squirrels won't come back. I hope.

Thankfully my landlord was particularly interested in point 6 of my biology lesson above and immediately arranged for maintenance to come round and sort it out. Unfortunately, the time he considered best to do this was at 7.30am tomorrow morning - no valentines day lie in for me then!

gut instinct

2011-01-29T11:50:00.000Z

I was catching up with a group of girlfriends last night and over dinner one of my friends said she heard some good news last week. Last summer she was assaulted on the tube (bear with me to get to the good news), a suited and booted guy had followed her on the tube home from Canary Warf across to West London, she had noticed him following her the whole way and had tried to loose him by speeding up, slowing down, changing direction etc, but it was 9.30 in the evening, she'd been working late and tried to convince herself she was imagining it. She wasn't. As she exited the tube station up the escalators she tuned round to find him right behind her, and no one else on the stairs. My friends screamed so loudly the staff later told her they'd heard her in their sound-proofed office at the other side of the station. The guy proceeded to feel up and down her body before legging it out of the station. The good news is thanks to CCTV footage and his registered oyster card, he was convicted last week, has to pay a fine but more importantly will be on the sex offenders register for life.

I appreciate that there are much worse forms of assult out there, but even an incident like this left my friend feeling a lot more cautious and vunerable. But what shocked me most of all, was that almost every single one of us around that table had a similar story to tell either about ourselves, or other friends. I know that it is a minority of men that do such things which seems even more unfair that it affects the way so many women live their lives, always making sure you know how to get home, feeling uncomfortable late at night alone on public transport, making sure I take my headphones out when I walk home after dark.

I was groped in a crowd when I was 16 and I remember turning round angrily to find that who ever it was had melted into the background. Then a few years ago in Delhi I had a bad experience with a couple of locals, despite being with my (now ex) boyfriend and it being mid afternoon in a public place. One of the local guys managed to distract my boyfriend while the other one pushed me up against a wall and tried to kiss me. Nothing happened, I managed to push him off. But what really hit home was that it happened so quickly and I was so shocked I just didn't react that way I thought I would. I consider myself a fairly strong woman, but i couldn't even get out a word, let alone a scream. It was only when they left a minute later that I managed to tell my ex what had happened - he had had no idea. Afterwards I felt violated and incredibly angry, both with myself and them. When we'd first met them half an hour before, I had a feeling that something was off, I even told my ex but he dismissed it and so did I because I didn't want to risk offending anyone.

In many ways it was a valuable reminder to always trust your gut instinct, so now if I ever get a feeling about someone or a situation, I listen to it. After all you judge people within 5 seconds of meeting them by all the bits of information your senses receive, their body language, clothes, tone of voice, facial expression. You wouldn't question yourself if you instantly thought someone was a liar, or a nice guy? So why question yourself if you get a bad feeling? The worse case scenario is that you offend someone or feel a bit pathetic if you have to go up to station staff or another passenger and ask for help. But far better to feel foolish doing than than chance it. I am now a firm believer that if your gut instinct is telling you something, there's probably a very good reason for it.

January blues

2011-01-13T21:45:00.000Z

I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling it. The days are dark, grey and rainy, we're all back at work and Spring seems forever away. It's traditionally not a particularly upbeat time of year but the mood in 2011 definitely seems worse than 2010. Mix in a sprinkle of depressing news stories about the economy, increased VAT rate, floods, murders and risk of flu with a few friends suffering from break ups, redundancies, family illness and in one case a tragic car accident and I'll be honest, getting out of bed in the mornings has never been harder. Time to start booking holidays I think...

30 minute meals

2011-01-08T12:53:00.001Z

So my first new recipe this week was a mushroom risotto from Jamie's 30 Minute cook book and it was delicious if I do say so myself! It did not however, take 30 minutes as promised and I didn't even attempt to make the pudding that was supposed to have accompanied it. I'm also not convinced by the way he's laid out these recipes, I can understand why he's done it that way, but actually I think it's more confusing not less. It's harder to read ahead and see what you need to do next or even how long things should take.

It's also probably worth mentioning that I'm not great at following recipes, I tend to ad lib too much, substituting one ingredient for another and being generous with measurements. Perhaps the book I should look to next is The River Cottage Family Cookbook that I got from my parents for my birthday last year. Apparently it explains some of the basic principles behind cooking, baking etc which might be a better idea if I'm going to have such a loose approach to following recipes word for word - not that it did my risotto any harm of course.

1 down, 51 recipes to go!

small world

2011-01-04T22:32:00.000Z

London has a population of what, 7, 8 million people right? Most of the time I never bump into anyone I know in places that I don't expect to see them, but of course, it does happen. Then occasionally you discover (often via the powers of facebook) that you and a friend have a mutual friend in common that neither of you knew about. I suppose there's that theory about everyone being 7 degrees of separation away from each other but still, it's a big city, it doesn't happen that often.

So imagine my surprise when mid conversation on New Year's eve, one of Welsh boy's friends starts talking about his new housemate who he'd found on gumtree. This friend mentioned the guy's name, occupation, age and that he'd lived in that part of London before. It was at that point that I suddenly stopped being able to follow the conversation quite so well. I had dated someone for a month or so who fitted all of those criteria and for some reason had a feeling I couldn't quite shake that it must be the same guy. Despite trying to convince myself the chances were slim, it is indeed a bit city etc, I couldn't quite stop myself asking about the new house mate's surname. You guessed it, they were one and the same.

Not that it matters really other than being a bizarre coincidence but it does make you think. Call it karma, call it chance, call it part of a bigger pattern, but now and again little things do seem to happen that make you step back and marvel at connections that you never knew existed. One things for sure, it might be a big city, but it's a very small world.

resolutions

2011-01-03T22:50:00.000Z

Resolutions seem to me to be like rules; there to be broken. So this year instead of giving myself a long list of things I should do and probably won't, I've decided to keep it simple.

1) Give money each month to charity. I have been thinking for a while now that I'd like to do more and be more involved in the community around me (other than the charity bake sale every Friday at work!) I'd like to volunteer ideally but don't know how long I'll be in London for so wouldn't feel comfortable signing up to something like mentoring for a whole year - although I only ever said I'd live here a for a few months so who knows! Anyway, I didn't mean to end up justifying it endlessly so there it is; money to a different charity each month.

2) Cook a new recipe each week from a book, or a friend or the internet - it doesn't matter as long as long as it's something I haven't tried before. (Luckily Welsh boy has said his resolution is to eat a new dish every week...)

3) Write my little heart out. Write all the time. On paper, on the computer. Basically 2011 will be the year I stop talking about writing and just shut up, sit down and get on with it. Hopefully this will mean my blogging regularity improves!

Wishing you all a happy 2011!

unwanted attention

2010-11-06T16:37:00.000Z

It's happened a few times in the last couple of weeks. Comments from random men as I'm walking in the street. Not rude comments or swearing or anything lecherous you understand but still it's made me feel vulnerable and quite frankly, I hate it.

The first time was at a busy tube station in half term, it was the post work rush and I politely asked a group of teenage boys to move from the left hand side of the escalator so I could pass. They did move, but not before coming back at me with a few choice saracastic comments. The second occasion I was walking down my street on the phone to a friend, as she picked up I said something along the lines of 'hey lovely, how are you?' To which the young men walking down the street towards me kindly offered their responses. Both occasions were in daylight, both occasions weren't overtly offensive in any way and on both occasions it was a group of young lads obviously being cocky for the sake of impressing their mates.

But nonetheless, their unasked for and unwanted interaction made me suddenly feel a bit threatened. Here were these groups of lads, who I suddenly realised were much bigger than me, who were trespassing on normal social conduct by speaking to me in the way they had. I'm sure they didn't give it a second thought but it made my blood boil. It brought to mind all the occasions I've had my bum pinched, been wolf whistled at and the time I got groped in a market in Morocco but couldn't tell who it was when I turned round. When on occasion I have reacted, the men always respond like I'm being uptight, can't take a joke or they call me frigid. What god given right do men think they have that they can get away with such behaviour? I hate that partly because they are bigger and stronger, men will always have the physical edge. I hate that I am always careful when I'm out, I never leave my drink alone, I make sure I know how to get home and don't walk down dodgy streets at night. All because of this tiny proportion of the male population who have no respect for women.

The irony is that I bet men like this who shout out comments to random women in the street would go utterly mental if some other guy shouted something similar at their girlfriend, sister or mum. So why is it okay for them to say it to me? Why doesn't this occur to them? Is it because, like I did, no one calls them up on it? You hear horror stories about people getting stabbed after asking kids to pick up litter and it just makes you think, is it worth saying something for the odd catcall? Probably not. Does it make me feel vunerable, frustrated and ultimately angry at the injustice of it all? Absolutely.

busy little bee

2010-10-03T17:36:00.000+01:00

Despite my best efforts to say no more and do less (so I can actually do more of what I want to be doing), I still feel busier than ever. I've had a few work trip which haven't helped, a few days in Stockholm here, a week in Frankfurt there, combined with weekends away and long days at work. All in all I don't know if I'm coming or going, I have very few clean clothes and my flat needs damn good tidy. Never mind friends I have neglected.

Do you ever wish you could just press pause, catch up with yourself a bit and start all over again? I do. Whenever I read about celebrities and millionaires in magazines who live non-stop lives, I can't help but think how exhausting that must be. Sure you have people to cook and clean and do all those mundane tasks, but they must literally be chained to their schedules and if I struggle to find a bit of 'me' time, they must really have problems.

give and take

2010-09-26T14:11:00.000+01:00

They say relationships are all about compromise but sometimes more specific advice would be helpful. How much should we compromise, of ourselves, of what we do, of our time. Sure, all relationships involve compromise, I do it all the time with friends and family. So why is it that boyfriend/girlfriend relationships have more of an issue surrounding give and take. Is it because unlike family, the dynamic isn't necessarily unconditional? Is it because your current relationship is always layered on your experience of previous ones (good and bad) whether you like it or not. Or maybe it's because there's that boy/girl difference. Welsh boy is really pretty good. We normally take cooking, shopping, paying etc in turns. But when we're together, I do feel like I do slightly more of the cooking and general tidying even though we live separately. What annoys me is not that he leaves me to do this, I volunteer. Is this just because I've been socially conditioned into these roles as a woman and if so, how is that fair? It's not like we're in Mad Men times when he brings home the bacon and I'm a little housewife. I'm a strong, independent woman. So why the stereotype? Probably because I love cooking and because I can't help myself. I know give and take evens itself out in the end, but it's keeping the balance in the meantime that's hard.

blackberries

2010-09-15T21:04:00.000+01:00

What do they mean to you? Late summer afternoons spent picking them from hedgerows? Jam? Homemade wine perhaps? Or the modern social equivalent of being chained to your desk. Not only do I not have a blackberry, I vow never to have one. I'm not work shy, but the possibility of being available via email, 24/7 is horrific. Let alone turning you into a more boring person to everyone around you in my humble opinion. I was at dinner with 4 friends a few weeks ago and everyone but me had their trusty blackberry out on the table next to them. Yes, I have a mobile but that was kept firmly in my handbag, because I subscribe to the apparently old fashioned belief that it's rude to to any of the following whilst having a conversation with people over a meal; text, send an email, speak to someone else on the phone, check twitter, send an instant message. After all, if someone started writing a letter at the table, everyone would be horrified, so why is emailing any different? The experience made me incredibly angry and what was worse, was everyone else didn't bat an eye. That shouldn't have surprised me though, they were all too busy checking their blackberries to notice.

Tethered

2010-09-12T17:38:00.000+01:00

I saw a woman last week in the park walking her cat on a lead. She smiled smugly as she stooped down to pet her feline friend, glancing round as if to challenge someone to call her crazy. But as it's London, so no one blinked an eye. Everyone just continued on their lunch break although they did wander past quite warily.

I once saw a man with a ferret on a lead in Regent's Park on another occasion which was odd, but still slightly more normal than the cat incident. You can't help but wonder what's next? Tethered mice straight from the tube tracks? Reigned in rabbits? Maybe it's because I'm a country girl at heart, but the idea of a cat on a lead is never going to seem normal or ok. But who knows, maybe I'm wrong, maybe dog walking will soon become a thing of the past, so 2009 that people will feel the need to up their game. Or maybe she was just a crazy cat lady after all.

birthday girl

2010-08-31T21:51:00.000+01:00

I think I might be having a mid twenties crisis as in just under a week I will be - horrified pause - 26. Which, as everyone knows, nudges me just that bit nearer to 30. The problem is that I always thought I'd know what I was doing with my life by now and that I'd feel more like a proper grown up. Of course I've since discovered that there's no such thing as a proper grown up which is pretty scary in itself.

It's also coming up to being 3 years since I moved to London which is odd as I never meant to stay that long. I do love the city in many ways, I love how much stuff is going on at any one time, I love that you can be who ever you want, I love the buzz, I love that I've met some of my best friends (and Welsh boy) here. But I'll always be a country girl at heart. I'll always miss the space and the quiet and the greenery and the fact that random people will wish you good morning when you're walking your dog. Plus it's just not fair to have a dog in the city.

My birthday has always felt like a natural time to reevaluate where I'm at. Beginning of the academic year and all that. On the whole I don't think I'm doing too badly, I know where I'd like to be headed which is half the battle I suppose, now I just need to figure out how to make a living from it....

food porn

2010-08-28T12:48:00.000+01:00

Sometimes I'm not even hungry but I can't help myself. I love looking through cookbooks, especially gorgeous looking ones like Jamie Does, Leon's and River Cottage Everyday. Then there are those times at work when I really should be replying to emails but find myself wondering what to cook for dinner and secretly checking BBC Good Food for inspiration. I can't help it, not only do I love food, I love cooking for people, friends, family and Welsh Boy (who has conveniently said he loves eating for me).

It wasn't so easy to have people over in my old house, there were 4 of us, the kitchen was tiny, we didn't really have a table to eat at and one of my old housemates was so horrible I felt bad inflicting her on anyone! By comparison I've had loads of people over for meals in the last year at my new house. My new housemates love good food and hosting just as much as me which helps, as does our much bigger kitchen and lounge.

My family has always loved cooking but it was only when I moved out to Uni that I first started to take much of a direct interest in it. Before that my Mum, Dad and sister had always been so much more proficient than me, it was easier to take a back seat and do the washing up. But the older I get, the more I find myself picking up recipe cards in supermarkets, drooling at deli counters and wandering wistfully round Borough market on Saturdays.

I woke up this morning slowly and with a slight hangover, to Saturday Morning Kitchen and it wasn't long before my mouth was watering. Cookery TV shows always remind me of my Scottish Grandma who used to watch them when she was making dinner after she'd picked me and my sister up from Primary school. She was a good cook and loved her proper hearty food (bread and butter pudding and floating porridge were her among her specialities) but always loved learning new things. I like to think I take after her in that way, not afraid to try new things and improvise.

swingers

2010-08-16T20:30:00.000+01:00

It is worse in the summer, there's no two ways about it. Christmas isn't much better of course, and half term's are never great. But it isn't just the slow, ambling tourists staring up at the skyline with their guidebooks firmly in their grasp that fuel my pavement rage. Or even the foreign nationals who stand on the wrong side of the escalator on the tube. Oh no. What really makes my blood boil is the swingers. People, and not even big people, who take up far more room than they actually need. Not only do said people take up the entire path upon which they deign to walk causing me to risk life and limb and probably oncoming traffic to overtake them, they swing their arms widely to ensure they take up AS MUCH ROOM AS POSSIBLE. Why I hear you cry, why would anyone be so stupid to walk with their arms waving in the wind, sweeping from their knee up in a semi-circle straight in front of them and back out behind. It's not like they're in the country after all and walking in a medow of long flowing grass. Why do these people persist in having such a total unawareness of the space around them? And then when they do (frequently) bump into the people that dare to come into their path, they have the audacity to turn and scowl at you like it's your fault you got in their way! I have nothing against people walking weirdly, but do wish they'd keep their arms to themselves.

wedding bells

2010-08-06T20:11:00.000+01:00

No, no mine! But tomorrow I'm going to one of Welsh boy's friend's weddings and I'm really excited! I love weddings. They're such happy, joyful occasions. Plus you get to wear a pretty dress and heels. Hell, I've even bought a hat. First time I've worn a hat actually and you know what it's like when you're not used to wearing something, you can't help but feel a bit unsure about the whole thing. But as one of my friends says, if you're going to wear something like a hat, then you really have to wear it. So hat and dress and ready, nails are about to be painted and all that's left tomorrow is to get to the venue on time. Actually time keeping isn't one of my strong points...

post holiday blues

2010-08-03T22:53:00.000+01:00

I got back from two lovely weeks island hopping in Greece last week and have been playing catch up ever since. Gone are the long siestas, fresh seafood, sunshine and stunning beaches. Instead I'm back to work, playing catch up with emails, washing and household admin. I shouldn't complain really, it was a really fun holiday and I came back so relaxed I felt like a different person. But now that I'm back in the 9-5, it's like seeing how the other half live and since it's my turn to be covering all my colleagues on their summer breaks, I can't help but wish I was back on a beach...

voices

2010-07-04T16:11:00.000+01:00

Maybe I've been watching too much Scrubs, but I've always had a bit of an inner monologue going on. In the country it used to be things like, 'what gorgeous flowers' or 'hmmm, isn't there something nice about men with their tops off playing football in the summer'. But now I'm in London it seems to be related a lot more related to pavement rage. Things like 'Argh! Move you slow tourist!' and 'Why are you STILL in my way?!' seem to be a common theme. I sometimes wonder if my inner monologue actually has a bit of an anger problem. It certainly seems able to think all the horrifying, truthful things I'd never dream of saying aloud, however true they may be!

I've heard it said that women check out women more and more subtly than men do, and I think it's probably true. Less in a 'hmmm I fancy her way' as I'm not that way inclined. Instead I can't help but look at how other women dress, at what their wearing, how they've styled their hair. Feminists would say it's not very 'sisterly' to judge other women like that and maybe I've just read too many magazine which encourage you to compare yourself which is probably why I never vocalise any such observations. Sure my inner voice is sometimes a little critical of others, but I do also notice how nice someone looks, even though I'd never go up to a stranger and tell them that. After all it is London and people tend not to talk to people they pass in the street. Apart from the man on the train yesterday who tried to chat me up by saying I had pretty feet. I won't even tell you what my inner monologue thought about him...

Greek Islands

2010-06-25T11:50:00.000+01:00

I've spent months daydreaming about my next holiday. About 2 whole weeks of exploring somewhere new, guaranteed sunshine, beaches and a turquoise sea. Welsh boy and I booked flights ages ago but suddenly our departure date has got a lot closer and we've both realised that we should probably hurry up and book accommodation. So if anyone has any recommendations for places to stay in Pireaus, Athens or on any of the Cyclades islands - please let me know!

late night calls

2010-06-24T11:15:00.000+01:00

Phonecalls late at night or very early in the morning mean only one of two things. Either something very, very good has happened, or very, very bad. Even with the advent of mobile phones, the sound of a ringtone between the hours of midnight and 8am always makes me pause for thought slightly before picking up the phone.

At 7.30am last Tuesday my Mum called and I knew even before I answered that it was the call I'd been expecting for a while. My 97 year old Great Grandma had been ill, miserable and suddenly very old for a few months now so I thought I'd come to terms with the inevitable happening. Which is why I was surprised when I burst into tears as soon as I hung up. I know I'm extremely lucky to have even met my Great Gran, let alone get to know her as well as I have. Which is why I felt so sad. I'm going to miss her and all her little quirks. From answering the door without her teeth in, to telling you the same story several times in a row. She had this habit of looping where she'd end a recollection on the same words she began it with and it you didn't get in there and interject, she'd just roll back round and tell you all over again.

She was my Mum's, Mum's, Mum which is pretty impressive I think. The eldest of 10 kids from working class Brum, she left school at 12 to work in a factory and lived through 2 World Wars. I used to see her at least once a week when I lived at home in the country and whenever you looked in her cupboards there was always several bags of anything that was rationed like sugar. I'm not religious, I don't believe specifically in a Christian heaven. But I do think there's someplace your soul or spirit goes and as much as I feel sad that she's passed, I'm comforted by the fact that she's no longer in pain and lived a (very) long and happy life.

The funeral is today. After a nightmare journey home yesterday - thanks to the vandals who cut the signaling cables in the Reading area and the train companies for their total lack of communication by the way. But at least I'm here and ready to say goodbye.

poetry

2010-06-13T13:52:00.000+01:00

I used to hate poetry with a passion. My mum reckons it was because I had a teacher at Primary School who made me read a whole series of poetry books in a reading scheme before I could move onto the next level. I don't actually remember that at all, but it's possible that I've just repressed the memory. However my opinion began to change slightly when we studied Seamus Heaney at High School. His poetry was like nothing I'd ever come across before. There was something in the rhythm of the words that really made me sit up and listen.

I studied English at University and touched on poetry from different genres, different periods of history and different cultures. Yet whilst fascinating, I do think that by stripping a poem back to all it's different meanings you loose something somehow. Yes you probably gain a deeper understanding of it, but the thing with any kind of literature is you can never really know what the author or poet intended you to think or feel. And to be honest I'm not sure that's a bad thing. Just as it's not essential to have a broad contextual appreciation of the time and place the poem was written in. At the end of the day, what does it matter? Isn't literature stronger if it can stand alone? I love that feeling you get when you come to a story or a poem fresh and unexpectedly really connect with it. Sure, every time you re-read it, you'll probably read into it slightly differently. But I think that's art in general.

Ironically despite my childhood loathing of it, I've written my own poetry right from the age of about 7 when I first learned what a poem was. Sometimes a whole verse will pop into my head and I have to scribble it down wherever I can, on bus tickets, napkins or whatever is to hand. I'm not sure if I'm any good at it, but in all honesty, since no one but me sees them, I'm not sure that matters!

I always think I should make more of the cultural scene going on in London, it's such a vibrant place. I'd love to go see some performance poetry and there's a couple of London based poets whose stuff I really like. I love that Luke Wright and Lemn Sissay both write with such energy about everyday topics that it feels like a different medium all together from what I was forced to read as a child.

guilty pleasures

2010-06-05T19:44:00.000+01:00

I don't often buy fashion or trashy gossip magazines, but that doesn't stop me from reading the ones my housemates buy. There is undeniably a large part of me that loves the celebrity gossip, the horoscopes, the obscure stories, the fashion. But at the same time another part of me gets bored by how shallow they seem and how unattainable all the pretty, sparkly clothes are. Fashion magazines make you want to buy far more than you need because they're not about need, they're about want. Wanting the latest, most beautiful pair of shoes or bag. In this recession driven, eco-friendly, climate conscious environment, spending money I simply don't have on clothes feels even more extravagant than it used to. Yet that's precisely why magazines are a guilty pleasure, just like hitting the snooze button on my alarm on a Monday morning, or eating ice cream out of the tub with a spoon they are simple things that make me slightly less virtuous than I'd like to be but at the end of the day are enjoyable precisely for that very reason.

whatever the weather

2010-06-02T23:22:00.000+01:00

Isn't it amazing what a few rays of sunshine make? I'm not ashamed to say that yesterday I was suffering from bank holiday blues. But if getting out of bed was an uphill struggle, sitting at a desk all day was infinitely more excruciating. The rest of my office seemed to be suffering from the same ailment. Everyone was exhausted, morose and suspiciously quiet. No doubt the grey drizzle that hung over London yesterday didn't help. Not that you'd ever guess it was so cold and wet less than 24 hours ago now. This morning I was woken to the dulcet tones of Chris Moyles and a cheeky ray of sunshine streaming around my curtain. Being British and therefore prone to not quite trusting a good thing and always feeling slightly suspicious of the weather, I took both my sunnies and an umbrella to work. Thankfully the latter stayed buried in the depths of my bag all day because the weather was simply glorious! I sat and had my lunch in Regents Park and it felt difficult to believe that just the day before I was fed up with everything and everyone and spent my lunch break googling alternative careers and cheap plane tickets to exotic destinations. Although it's probably not the best time to be booking long haul flights really is it? After all you never know quite what the weather's going to do next do you and if the wind blows the wrong way then that unpronounceable volcano could start causing all kinds of problems again...

location location location

2010-05-30T15:36:00.000+01:00

I've never lived in a flat before. Shared houses, student halls sure, but never in a block of flats on top of and below complete strangers. Not that they stay strangers for long. I don't mean I've been round to borrow a cup of sugar, or am even on first names terms with them. Maybe a half smile and a nod on a good day, after all this is London. But nonetheless, I know what type of late night snacks they favour (bacon sandwiches and curry), I know they prefer coffee to tea and I know I can tell how many loads of washing they do a day. I'm not some weird stalker chick and to be honest I'm not especially observant, it's just living in flats you can't help but notice such things.

To be honest I usually tune them out. It's a bit city, space is a premium, it makes sense to build up instead of out and convert big Victorian houses like mine into 4 flats plus I can't afford to live any other way so it isn't something I dwell on. But my folks came down from the sticks for the weekend and I guess showing them round make me look at it through fresh eyes. I think my flats pretty good all in all. It's not overly expensive for London, it's fairly central, in a nice area and my housemates and I have decorated it up so it's bright and homely. Yet despite my parent proofing (2 hours cleaning on Friday night) they still saw through the superficial pictures and throws to observe how shoddy the actual interior was. We're talking about leaning walls, a bowing floor, badly fitted kitchen/bathroom/skirting boards/furniture so much so that my Dad spent 2 hours on Saturday morning screwdriver and wood glue in hand fixing things (my hero).

Like the urban noise of other people's lives that goes on in the background in a city and the streetlights that always creep through the curtains, I've accepted that houses don't have to be perfect for Landlord's charge you a small fortune for the pleasure of living in them. But hey, at least I have a roof over my head and when/if the time comes for me to buy a house of very own somewhere in the sticks, at least I'll appreciate the peace and quiet and that fact that the decoration won't be a botch job!

packing

2010-05-13T22:28:00.000+01:00

Argh! Why is it that I love going places but hate packing? I'm terrible. I make lists. I call friends. I move things around my room. Anything to avoid actually packing. And then I do that thing of trying to 'plan' outfits so I don't take unnecessary clothes. Which never works anyway because I always panic pack and chuck a few extra things in just in case. Just in case of what you may ask? Well. Freak social events obviously. Or sudden occasions where black earrings would have looked so much better than silver. The irony of course is that no matter how hard I try, my bag always ends up so heavy I can barely lift it. Even my handbag weights a tonne. I can't be good for me posture! Plus turning up to meet you boyfriends parents for the first of time probably goes down better if you're not lugging around twice your body weight in clothes, and shoes etc....

X marks the spot

2010-05-09T17:09:00.001+01:00

So the election's over and... well. The country is now in limbo. I'm not sure about you, but it all feels a bit anti-climactic to me. Politics is always guaranteed to divide the nation, but in many respects I think it divides individuals too. Personally I passionately believe that everyone should vote, especially after women had to work so hard to have the right to do so. I think anyone who doesn't queue up to the ballot box completely relinquishes any right to ever complain about the state of anything; the economy, the NHS, council tax... Equally though, it's hard not to feel a bit disenfranchised by the whole thing. The voting system is so archaic that you can end up feeling like you hardly make any difference at all and it's common to resort to tactical voting which misses the point.

The televised debates did help make politics feel more relevant and accessible - or maybe it's simply that that this is my first parliamentary election since I've entered the world of work. But equally I couldn't help feeling disenfranchised by the bunch of middle aged, middle class men all squabbling and slagging each other off. Is this really the best Britain can do? Why is it that small children are told off for telling tales and bitching about each other but it's perfectly acceptable for the potential leaders of our country to do it? If they spent half the time trying to sort out our dire economy as they did picking fights with other parties, then I dare say Britain wouldn't be in such a mess.

The other reason this election has left me feeling deflated is that I can't help but wonder, where are all the women? And no, politician's wives don't count. Where are the strong, intelligent women that I can relate to? Come to think of it, why are there so few people young people or individuals from ethnic minorities, different religions or sexualities. Dating back long before the Viking, Roman and French invasions, Great Britain is, and always has been a giant melting pot. So why does politics fail to represent the diversity that you find in every day life? This failing, in my humble opinion, is partly what distances politics from the everyday world of most men and women. The people at the top making the decisions, or squabbling for the privalege to do so, just don't represent my experience of life.

So yes. I do passionately believe in striving for a better future, believing in the possibility of change and voting. Equally though, I'm realistic enough to realise that like most politicians's promises, good intentions can differ widely from what is actually possible and even more dramatically from the end result.

distractions

2010-05-05T21:07:00.000+01:00

I don't know what it is at the moment but I'm finding it especially hard to concentrate. It doesn't matter if I'm at work or at home, I can't keep my mind on one things for more than a few moments. Initially I wondered if it was cause I'm still not feeling 100% and am dosed up on cough medicine. Then I considered the possibility that I could just be especially busy and maybe that's why I feel so frantic all the time. And then I realised that I can't even focus on not focusing for more than 5 seconds. I'd say it was ironic if it wasn't so pathetic! Who knows, maybe it's partly due to all of the above. But I'm sure at least a small part of it can be attributed to laziness or at least the feeling that there's always something else more important/fun/urgent/shorter to complete that I could be doing instead.

It wasn't that I didn't do any work today in the office. On the contrary, I was non-stop all day and didn't even manage a lunch break. It's not that I was faffing by avoiding getting down to it, just that every time I tried, another urgent email would ping up on my screen. I need to remember to work smart and not hard. Emails are incredible but I swear they're also the bane of my daily life. It's exhausting keeping up, replying, filing them, deleting them, flagging them. I didn't get any more than normal today, just seems I was worse at ignoring them while I actually do my job. And now I'm blogging about them. How dull.

But it doesn't stop there. Oh no. At home I can't seem to decide whether to tidy my room, cook dinner, wash up, make lunch for tomorrow, read, blog, waste valuable time on facebook or water my plants. (Such a rock and roll life I lead). So I've opted for all of the above and achieved, yup, you guessed it. Hardly anything of anything. At this point I'm tempted just to give up, write today off and start again tomorrow. Fresh as a daisy and with a empty to-do list. Apart from voting of course...

bliss

2010-04-21T22:04:00.000+01:00

They say ignorance is bliss and I completely agree. I've always thought that people who are completely unaware of the world around them have, in many ways, an easy life. A fairly limiting, sheltered, self-righteous life granted. But easy nonetheless. How nice it must be to grow up 100% certain of who you are, what you want and where you're going. Even if it is simply because the thought of anything otherwise has never popped into your empty, peaceful little mind. It must feel incredible never doubting yourself or considering anyone else's opinion of you. Never loosing sleep over what you have or haven't said/done/worn/become. The irony is of course that anyone who goes through life in such a tunnel-visioned manner, will never appreciate just how unusual a feeling it is as they would never consider that anyone else would experience the world any differently. I may be over-simplifying matters slightly, but my point still stands. Thinking only causes complication. Ignorance is bliss.

Spring has sprung

2010-04-08T22:41:00.000+01:00

It never ceases to amaze me that something so simple as the weather can completely change not just my mood, but that of everyone else around me. Suddenly it's Spring. There's blossom on the trees on my way to work and a cheeky crocus here and there. Birdsong wakes me up (along with my very loud radio alarm) and it's light at night until 8pm. And did I mention the sunshine?! It doesn't matter that I pretty much only see it streaming through a window of the 14th floor tower block I work in. Just knowing it's there is making me feel like my vitamin D intake is doubling. I realise this is a very English preoccupation but after such a miserable cold, grey winter, you can hardly blame the nation for enjoying the feeling that Summers on the way in. Running round the park this evening, (sadly the slightly warmer weather has meant my pasty legs were exposed), I swear I could smell BBQ's. Which is maybe just a bit too keen. After all, it is only April. I've gone for the half way house of hosting a tea party for my netball team on Sunday. I'm looking forward to making triangle sandwiches and cupcakes but knowing the rest of my team, I'm not sure quite how much tea we'll be drinking. Maybe we'll do as they do in Kerela and drink beer out of tea cups...

happy easter!

2010-04-05T17:01:00.000+01:00

Last month was officially my worst month ever for blogging. I blame my new job and the pretty hectic work trip to Italy in the middle of it all. However, despite the incredibly busy days when I was there, the food was incredible. It seems rude to turn down such delicious four course delights. So of course I never did and came back, (as I seem to every years from the same work trip, slightly curvier). Ah well. Spring is finally in the air and running in the park etc is always lots more appealing when it's not dark and rainy so I'm sure I'll burn it off soon.

Come to think of it, I'll start worrying about toning up for Summer after the bank holiday weekend is officially over. In the meantime, I've still got a few Easter eggs to work my way through thanks to my Mum and Dad's legendary treasure hunt and my boyfriend and sister's generosity! Yes I may be in my mid 20's but there's nothing wrong with clues that lead you to chocolate. On that note I think I'll put the kettle on. Hope everyone else is having an equally relaxing weekend...

secrets and lies

2010-03-16T22:37:00.000Z

It's funny how you can go through something; a conversation with a friend or months at work and think it's one thing. When actually months later, something unexpected comes to light and you realise that the person in question had an entirely different agenda the entire time and what you thought was one thing, was actually something very different for everyone else concerned. Sure it happens. At work managers are by default generally privy to more information than you, yet it still doesn't lesson the 'oh' factor when you finally do find out what's really been going on. Knowledge is power and no matter the reasons you were kept in the dark, the thing that sucks is that you can't help but feel stupid when you realise you were the only one who couldn't see where you were going.

ever wanted to run before you can walk?

2010-03-02T22:33:00.000Z

My new job is going well in so much as the people are lovely and it's really, really good to have a new challenge to get my teeth stuck into. But I'm still stuck in that highly irritating phase of learning where everything is. It's not so much a matter of being taught how to do my job, more a case of learning how they want me to do the job. Earlier today a task that would have taken me 20 minutes at my last company, easily took me double, simply because it was a painstakingly slow process trying to work out where everything was. I know it's inevitable with a new position, but I'd forgotten how frustrating it feels. Ah well, as with broken hearts and good roast dinners, time does amazing things.

In other news my netball team has got bumped down from A to B grade. Disappointing, but it did feel a lot better winning a game tonight after we've lost the last 4 in a row!

I have a problem

2010-02-22T21:03:00.000Z

It's okay. I'm not ashamed to admit it. I'm addicted to patchwork. There, I said it. I bet you're judging me a little bit aren't you? Wondering what as 25 year old is doing sewing fabric together instead of being out on the town? Well, I asked myself the very same question a few months ago when one housemate came back from a shopping spree with a bag full of material. I happily laughed (in a supportive way of course) when she began to spend hours measuring, pinning, cutting and stitching. But then my other housemate took it up too and I think it was shortly after that when it started. The secret desire to join in and make a patchwork of my very own. I tried to resist the urge at first, after all, I'd witnessed first hand what a time consuming process it was. Not only that but after teasing them for weeks, jumping on the bandwaggon meant eating humble pie as well. Sadly though, the lure became too strong and two weeks ago I headed to a fabric shop they'd found on the Old Brompton Road that sells Liberty print off cuts for a pound. Needless to say my boyfriend cracked up and kept asking me how old I was when I sat down one night to begin. I tell you what though, it may not be very rock and roll, and my stitching may be a lot worse than when I did GCSE textiles all those years ago, but it's really fun to actually make something with your hands after staring at a computer all day. Plus in today's make and mend, environmentally aware culture, I'd say that making your own quilt, (however random, messy and rustic it may end up being), is bang on trend.

new girl

2010-02-20T15:58:00.001Z

I've woken up this morning feeling just a teeny bit hungover for one very good reason. I finished one job yesterday and start another next week. This week has been filled with extremely late nights in my empty office as I desperately tried to finish everything off and write nice neat handover notes for the woman who returns from maternity leave in a few days. Hence why I've been so very bad at blogging of late. Some of my friends, particularly lawyers and those in advertising, work horribly long hours every week as standard (i.e. from 8am to midnight and most weekends) and I literally don't know how they manage it. Not only have I done very little washing/cooking/cleaning/exercise, I also feel like I have absolutely no conversational skills left. Which doesn't bode well for starting at the next company next week really. I am thrilled to have another job and am very much looking forward to the new challenge etc, but being the new girl sucks. I know it'll be fine, but its just hard work being on show the whole time, not knowing anyones names or where the kitchen/loos are. Ah well, I'm sure it won't be long until someone else joins and I can pass on the mantle!

sniffles

2010-02-11T12:07:00.000Z

Somehow overnight on Tuesday I succumbed to a common cold and woke up feeling horrible. I call it common, but I'm sure I must be suffering from some especially nasty, exotic variety. That or I've simply managed to forget how hateful it is not being able to breathe/talk/think straight as soon as I've recovered from colds in the past. My boyfriend assures me it is no where near as bad as man flu - which I find especially hard to believe as all women know the aforementioned 'illness' is simply due to the low male pain thresh hold. Hence why women go through child birth etc. But anyway, I'm going to get off my feminist soap box as I have bigger fish to fry. Namely facing the prospect of leaving my house, and more specifically the comfort of my cozy sofa and PJ's to go out and get supplies. In what can only be described as a monumental error of judgment, I have run out of tissue paper, orange juice and lemsip. I realise this isn't anywhere close to the end of the world as there is a shop a short 10 minute walk away. But so far I've been contemplating leaving for just under 2 hours and still haven't moved any closer to the door. Unfortunately something tells me the longer I leave it, the colder it'll get outside. Time to make hay when the sun shines then. Or at least, time to make hay when I finish my cup of lemon and ginger tea.

roots

2010-02-07T21:44:00.000Z

Have you ever had that thing where 3 or 4 completely unrelated people start talking to you about a given subject in the space of a few days. Not because it's in the news or anything and obviously it doesn't count if you bring it up. But when it occasionally happens, it always makes me feel like someone somewhere is trying to tell me something.

Which is why all the separate conversations I've had this weekend about buying a flat instead of just wasting money renting, have really got me thinking. Owning a house is a big deal. There's not just all the legal and financial hoops to understand and jump through, or the sense that the property market is really a very big gamble. There's also that feeling that you're putting down roots somewhere. I do realise that once you've bought a place there is nothing to stop you renting it out or selling it. But somehow it's that feeling of being tied down that I think I'd struggle with the most. Not just the street or neighbourhood itself, but the town or country. It must be nice to feel like you'd belong somewhere but I can't help but feel that whilst putting down roots may have benefits, it comes with the price of no longer being footloose and fancy free.

old friends

2010-01-31T19:53:00.000Z

It's funny how new friends become old friends. Often you aren't sure when you both crossed that line from asking lots about each other to not having to explain the backstory to every anecdote. I guess like any relationship there are some people that you click with and others that you should, but just don't. You know the kind of people you have lots in common with; similar backgrounds, similar interests but for some reason you simply can't chat to them as easily as another friends. Much like men really. I've met some guys who tick all the right boxes and still nada. Literally as much spark as a wet paper bag.

But anyway back to friends. I have four of my really good girlfriends from uni over for a leisurely Sunday lunch today and it was just so nice to see them. Even though we've not all been together in the same place for a good 6 months, conversation flowed as easily as if I'd seen them yesterday. Although such mammoth catch ups inevitably lead to a situation where we go round the table to update everyone on our most recent news. It made me realise just how much has changed in my life in that time. New part of London, new flat, new housemates, new boyfriend, about to start a new job. Other than a few hiccups along the way, I'm feeling pretty happy with life right now. Fingers crossed 2010 can only get better.

unpleasant conversations

2010-01-27T22:48:00.000Z

Do you ever have that thing where you think something in your head that you are dying to say out loud but can't? I'm talking about everything from 'why would you wear such a stupid outfit' to 'I'd quite like to smack you in the face now'. (Yes, I may have one or two unresolved anger issues). So anyway I'm normally pretty good at keeping said thoughts where they belong, i.e. in the murky depths of my psyche where they won't offend anyone which has the added bonus of helping me appear like a relatively nice person.

But now and again something happens that infuriates me to the point where I want to scream out loud all the harsh, but in this case very true, things I'm thinking. Unfortunately today, the risk of career suicide was just enough to make me bite my tongue. But hey, you know what they say. Tomorrow's a fresh start...

curiosity killed the cat

2010-01-17T20:54:00.000Z

People are stupid. Especially tourists with HUGE bags who stand on the wrong side of the escalators on the underground at rush hour, but that's slightly off today's topic. Anyway as I was saying. People are fools. And not just a small, academically challenged percentage of the population either, oh no. All people are stupid. You may well be thinking to yourself, why is she making such a sweeping statement? Well, luckily for you I am more than happy to elaborate.

Have you ever broken up with someone, or lost touch or fallen out with a friend? I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that most people can answer yes to at least one of those questions. Well in the olden days in said situations, people used to torture themselves by enquiring of mutual friends 'what are so-and-so up to these days?' However in today's technologically-multi-platformed society, we now have a gazillion ways to get the same information. You could take an old school approach and google them, or perhaps instead facebook stalk their every move.

Frustratingly even if you're (deliberately) not friends with someone it's still often possible to see their pictures and gain an insight into their lives. Intrusive maybe. Irritating yes. Because even though you know you shouldn't look and that no good will come from it, it appears to be human nature to just have a quick peep anyway. Turns out there's a curtain twitching stalker in all of us, whether you're addicted to trashy celebrity magazines or find yourself spending hours on social networking sites. Curiosity may have killed the cat but even though we know that, we all look anyway. Told you people are stupid.

winter blues

2010-01-12T22:57:00.000Z

I'm not sure if it's the weather, but I'm having one of those weeks where I just can't seem to get enough sleep. Even when I hit the hay early I still wake up feeling like I've been tossing and turning half the night. Maybe it's the strain of going back to work and remembering just how overrated sitting at a desk is for 8 hours a day? It certainly isn't helped by the fact that it's far too cold and slippy to do any form of outdoor activity bar bundling up in my brand new bobble hat and heading for a bus. Sure the snow looked pretty when it first fell and all, but now it's frozen to a grey, treacherous mush, I think I'm kind of over it already. And I can barely remember a time that I went to bed without a hot water bottle and a pair of wooly socks. Not quite on trend, but oh so cozy. So enough is enough. Bring on the summer I say!

strike while the iron's hot

2010-01-07T21:27:00.001Z

It's funny how inspiration often strikes you when you're doing something completely unrelated. I remember when I was at school I'd have some of my best ideas for my A level Art projects in my particularly dull Science lessons. The same kind of thing still happens now in long, boring meetings at work. As as my mind accidentally wanders, I find it'll lead me to all sort of interesting ideas. Which is all very well and good but it turns out doodling round the edge of your page doesn't look very professional! Similarly it's incredibly frustrating to suddenly be buzzing with inspiration and not be able to do a damn thing about it but clock watch.

Therein lies the probelm with a 9-5 though. When I do feel inspired I can't do anything about it becasue I'm being paid to do something else. But by the time I've got home, I feel too tired and numb from sitting at a computer screen all day to actually do anything about my aforementioned moments of genius. Which is why one of my new years resoultions is to actually do things instead of talking about them. Especially because it's not the thinking about being creative, or the talking about it, or even the making time for it that is my biggest stumbling block. Instead it's that by the time I've done all of those things and have actually sat down, inspiration suddenly seems a lot harder to pin down...

definitions

2010-01-03T15:30:00.000Z

First things first, HAPPY NEW YEAR! Hope everyone had a good evening and shares my feeling that 2010 is going to be a good one... I spent Thursday night at a house party with the girls from my netball team, friends from university and the Welsh guy I'm seeing. It prompted a couple of my friends to ask me if we're officially boyfriend and girlfriend yet. To which the answer was a resounding no. This is for two very good reasons, a) After the heartache of going through a break up I'm simply not sure I want a boyfriend if having one means you run the risk of incurring that much pain again and b) Welsh guy and I haven't really talked about our 'status' at all. Sure, we've had a general conversation where we agreed not to see other people, but it was in a very vague kind of lets-keep-hanging-out-and-not-date-anyone-else type of way. Slowly but surely a few people at work have started to twig that we're together although thankfully no one's asked me to define it. If they did I'd just say we're seeing each other but as my friends pointed out, how is seeing each other different from officially going out? I can see their point but as far as I'm concerned the difference is the absence of the word 'official'. Being boyfriend/girlfriend means you've talked about it and want to be with the other person in such a way that's more meaningful than just spending time together and seeing how it goes. Boyfriends and girlfriends are a part of your life, not just some interchangeable person you're dating. Which does leave me with a slight problem. I'm starting to quite like this guy and am worried I'm soon going to hit a point where I don't just want to be some interchangeable person he's dating. But equally I know I can't handle that type of conversation anytime soon...

word out

2009-12-27T22:29:00.000Z

Unusually for me, I haven't got much to say right now. I feel like I've covered the snow and Christmas. Don't really want to discuss new year plans or resolutions as no one seems to have made any decisions about either. I could always write about my last break up (yawn) or my little sister's recent one, but I feel like this blog's seen enough emotional carnage of late. Then there's other such interesting topics as frenemies, married friends, sales shopping and the joys (both literally and sarcastically) of spending a week at home with parents once you've moved out. I could also always write more about the Welsh guy I'm seeing but don't particularly want to jinx this relationship by making it public. Plus there's always more to say about men when it starts going badly than when it's going well! All of which leaves me uncharacteristically quiet. So for once in my life I agree with Ronan Keeting, sometimes you say it best when you say nothing at all.

winter wonderland

2009-12-24T10:48:00.000Z

I have woken up this morning to a snow covered view and it's stunning. Ok so it's not terribly practical for all my christmas eve plans such as last minute shopping trips, a quick cuppa with my cousins and drinks tonight. But I'm sure I can work round that by donning my walking boots and lovely snug down jacket. Plus exercise can only be a good thing as since I've come home I do feel like all I've done is eat, and sleep of course, followed by yes, more eating. Ah the joys of coming home to a fridge full of food! I don't think it'll ever grow old.

Turns out it will be a white christmas after all, even if no snow falls tomorrow, I doubt it'll get warm enough to melt very much between now and then. I am also hoping I can persuade my sis to a cheeky snowball fight en-route to our cousins. Naturally I'll win. Not that I'm competitive or anything. Shame we live at the bottom of the hills otherwise sledging would definitely be an option. Anyway, enough of my snow distracted babble. I hope everyone has a very merry christmas and new year and is able to reach, and spend it with their loved ones, despite the snow.

lists

2009-12-23T10:54:00.000Z

So I have re-thought my colour scheme and decided to go for a crisp, clear palette for the new year instead of the murky pea-mint soup option I trialed yesterday! Again, thoughts always appreciated... I'd quite like to design a picture to go in the title actually but have a feeling it might be one of those things that is always at the bottom of my list.

In my most recent job interview they asked me how I cope under pressure and I gave my standard answer about being a list addict and then prioritizing yada yada yada. But I do actually think I might be getting slightly better at it - that or I'm writing more realistic lists to begin with.

2010 will be the year I make time for the things I want to do most, even if it means carving said time out of a social life. Hell, if I do that it might even save me money too. Although I've had a bit of a shopping problem recently. The problem being I can't seem to stop. Post break up I really enjoyed splashing out and treating myself now and again and now I can't seem to stop. But hey, when you think about it, it's actually a fairly selfless act. By shopping I am single handedly helping the economy. Tres noble, non?!

new look

2009-12-22T17:37:00.000Z

As you can probably tell I've been playing around with the colours a bit and have started to get a bit bored with the pink hence my new green look. So, is green the new black or have I got it a bit wrong? Answers on a postcard or in the comments box please!

off to a good start

2009-12-22T12:15:00.000Z

So despite the fact that I'm now a few days into my 2 week holiday, I'm still quite busy. Ok, so I'm no where near as busy as when I was doing my 9-5, but somehow I've still got loads to do. There's all the little things I've put off like wrapping presents, writing letters to friends in foreign countries etc as well as possibly the most important task of all. Yup, you guessed it, sleeping. I'm now getting 9 hours a night and still waking up feeling tired. Reckon I must be making up for the last manic few months. That and this cold makes me want to curl up in a ball and hibernate. But hey, at least one of the tasks which I really wasn't looking forward to is now no longer necessary. I had a flurry of interviews in my last week of work and was then told I'd got the job I'd applied for which is the best early Christmas present I could ask for. It's another maternity cover contract (thank god for pregnant women) and starts exactly when the one I'm on now ends. It's also at another good company and I didn't know this until I received my confirmation letter this morning, but it's actually a promotion as well! Makes me feel like 2010 is off to a very good start indeed.

censored

2009-12-12T14:19:00.000Z

The Internet has revolutionised the way we communicate. Fact. But even though pretty much everyone I know uses it daily, for email, Internet shopping, blogs, twitter, skype, facebook, news updates, to watch TV etc, I'd put money on the fact that very few people ever actually consider the ramifications.

Sure people might be aware of online credit card fraud and identify theft. And there have always been those urban legends about friends of friends not hired, or fired because of comments on social networking sites. Similarly due to all the recent news coverage, more people must be starting to become more aware of privacy issues like those surrounding facebook.

All of which does get you thinking, the Internet is an incredible tool, but it comes with a price. Take facebook for example, it's a great way to keep in touch with people, share photos etc. But I've been on it for 5 years now since it hit the UK and not only has it developed rapidly, so has the way people use it. Do I want my uncle, new colleagues and friend's mum seeing photos from university and the comments that go with them? Err no. Likewise do I care much for the daily updates of people I (deliberately) haven't seen since high school. Well no I don't. But I can't face either deleting my profile or spending the time required to edit it. Instead I've opted for a half way house whereby I facebook cull friends now and again, and am careful that nothing goes up on it now that I'd regret at a later date.

Which is half the battle really. Trying to maintain control of the information available about yourself. It must be even worse for celebrities. Yesterday's news used to be relegated to chip shop wrappers, whereas now it's stored somewhere in cyber space instead, always waiting to come back and haunt you. It does make you think twice about what you write and who reads it. Even this blog. I love writing it. Yet I'm always conscious of the people who read it, not just other bloggers, but my parents, friends, sister and ex boyfriends. Whilst I still want to write about how I feel and about my London life, I won't deny that it makes me self censor and think twice before I blog.

feeling festive

2009-12-08T21:25:00.000Z

I'm not really sure why, but I'm feeling far more festive than I have in years at the moment. Maybe it's because I don't have flu this year (touch wood), or maybe it's because work isn't anywhere near as stressful. But even though I haven't yet had 5 minutes to make any Christmas cards and even though my Christmas shopping pretty much consists of accidently buying things for myself, (which just reminds me why I don't shop that often), I do feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

I even chose to go to a carol concert on Monday night whereby I sang in public. Thankfully there were enough people to drown me out as I could barely remember the tunes let alone carry one. I'd also forgotten the words to lots of the old classics, which was probably a good thing as they're quite odd when you've not seen them for a while. There were at least two mentions of a 'virgin's womb'. Nice. Anyway, all the money raised at said concert went to charity which was an added bonus.

It's very topical at the moment, but I also wanted to make lots of my christmas presents. I even started to consider buying a sewing machine, but have a feeling I'd use it far less than I'd like. I am still making some presents. But I realised that despite my good intentions, homemade chutneys and shortbread probably do not cope very well with being posted and take far more time to make than I seem to have. Like everyone else in London, the festive season is pretty mental and seems to get ridiculously booked up months in advance. With the exception of New Years of course, which is the one night of the year everyone seems to hedge their bets and wait to see what everyone else is doing first before they commit to something just in case they get a better offer. It seems to have a bit of a reputation as being a let down anyway.

As do most nights that get hyped up in advance. Speaking of which it's my office party tomorrow. I've now been on several dates with the guy from work and it's all going well. But as yet our colleagues are none the wiser. Should be interesting to see if it stays that way after a free bar...

be the change

2009-11-30T20:37:00.000Z

I spent the weekend up north in Leeds seeing old friends. One of said friends is a girl from primary school who is now passionately involved with lots of community projects and campaigns for ecological and environmental issues. She really inspired me because she doesn't just believe in all those things, she actually chooses to live her life in such a way that reflects those beliefs. I guess in short, she actually does something about it. By comparison I feel like a proper city girl. Sure, I recycle, garden and always use up leftovers, I take public transport and am conscious of not leaving lights on etc. But I also fly, don't buy organic, fair-trade food at all times and whilst I do buy from charity shops, I also buy from shops that probably have factories all over the third world.

I'm educated, I've travelled and I'm aware of climate change and poverty. Yet why is it that I feel like I subscribe to a pick and mix ethical policy whereby doing a few good things cancels out the not-so-good things I also do. (Kind of like going for a run then eating your weight in chocolate afterwards of which I am also guilty). Because whilst doing something is always better than nothing, equally being half hearted about things, isn't really good enough either. I once read a postcard that said 'be the change you want to see in the world' and although slightly corny, I think it's right. I don't really want to sit back in my arm chair in 50 years time and grumble about the state of the planet or government knowing full well that I sat on my arse and did nothing about it because I thought someone else would or should.

Other that sign a few petitions, voting and start a wildlife club for my sister and cousins when I was 8, I've never really done that much about any kind of issues. I've never protested or written angry letters partly because I've never really, really cared about an issue, but mostly because I've never felt like it would make a difference. But seeing my friend this weekend has made me realise that if everyone felt that disenfranchised and refused to take responsibility for their actions, well, the world would be a fairly depressingly place.

So, in a bid to start doing a bit more of my fair share, I'm going to the wave next Saturday in central London. It's a showing of support for the coming climate summit in Copenhagen. And do you know what, I think it might be pretty amazing to feel like a tiny part of something so hopeful.

new moon

2009-11-22T19:53:00.000Z

I saw the long awaited second film in the Twilight series yesterday and even though I was surrounded by 12 year old girls, I LOVED it! I'll admit that it may not win any Oscars, but I think I actually may even have liked it more than the book. (New Moon was my least favourite out of the 4 for the simple lack of Edward in it and Bella's irritating melancholy). But I did surprise myself by coming round slightly to Team Jacob - although the wolf pack's rippling 6 packs may have had something to do with that!

However, it turns out that a film about break ups may not have been the wisest choice this weekend. I was staying with some friends in the country and whilst we had a lovely time, chilling in pubs, long walks in the New Forrest and sampling the local (very chavvy) nightlife, they also happen to be the same group of friends who know Country Boy. Whilst I obviously don't begrudge them for still being friends with him, it was just still quite hard hearing his name mentioned and about the things he's been up to. It made me realise that not only do I not want to know, that maybe I'm not as over him as I thought. London's a great bubble as he was never really anything to do with my life here so it surprised me by just how much it all still hurts. Which is very annoying to be honest. I would never want to stop being friends with said group of people and accept these things take time, I just with they'd take a little less, that's all.

I promise this will be the last break up related post for a while, I'm starting to bore myself with it.

to date or not to date?

2009-11-19T20:46:00.000Z

So the question posed in the title is actually slightly redundant as I have already been dating. Which always feels like a bit of an American term really for what is essentially, just spending time with someone. I've known the guy in question for 6 months or so - thank god! So we've skipped the awkward I-don't-know-anything-about-you-stage. Although we are colleagues which is a completely different kettle of fish, albeit quite a fun one! Needless to say, I'm keen to keep it on the down low at work...

I guess it's only natural after being in a relationship, but it's hard not to compare. In all honesty, not may of the comparisons are working out in Country Boy's favour at the moment which is proving to be quite re-affirming. Turns out I actually quite like being single. I like doing my own thing and not having to consider anyone else. (Yes, that might be selfish but at least it's honest.) And now this big whole wide world of dating and flirting has been opened up to me again and it feels strangely liberating.

tis the season to be single

2009-11-15T22:03:00.000Z

So after a very painful hour and a half one night last week, my housemate and I finally figured how to make the Virgin box of tricks work and hey presto, we have internet! I should probably mention that this setting up time included a short and sweet phone to my technological guru of a father. I should also probably mention that the phonecall was neither short or particularly sweet! So big, BIG thanks is definitely in order.

I have really missed writing on my blog and faithfully promise to write a lot more. However, it may have been a saving grace that my online access was so limited as whilst my posts might have been quite cathartic, they may not have been particularly man friendly. Needless to say Country Boy is history and I've surprised myself by how little I miss him. Instead, what's stayed with me is the horrible feeling of rejection and not quite being good enough for someone. But hey, I've been through enough heartbreak to know that it's nothing that time and dating can't fix (more on the latter in another post).

Anyway, it seems that I'm in good company this month as 4 of my really close friends have split up with their boyfriends. Some have been dumped, some done the dumping. But either way it always really hurts. Even if you know time does incredible things, there's always still that feeling of being completely raw and numb all at the same time when it first happens. The friend I feel most sorry for has split up with her live in man and not only are they still living together, they're still sharing a bed. Naturally I've suggested she leave/sleep on my sofa/the street/anywhere else but in the same room... Whilst I'm not sure how soon she'll heed my advice, it does make me appreciate that one of the benefits of breaking up with someone in a long distance relationship is that you'll never bump into them unless you want to.